easy on the criticism ok?
When I woke up, I thought of a certain someone who meant heaps to me. I thought of what we’d been through and where we are now. And I think in general, the development of human relationships (both romantic relationships and friendships) follow a pattern.
1. meeting each other
Of course rite. You guyz cant get close if you don’t first MEET. Perhaps I am antediluvian n overly conservative, but I think the 2 worst places to start a relationship is
(a) online *ahem blurry*
(b) in a club
But yes, the banal idiom about the great journey and the first step holds true: meeting is the first and easiest, but necessary, step of your journey.
2. getting to know each other
Some people can click, and some just cant. I remember writing something lyk this in my letter to joyce which never reached her (haha): the intimacy of a friendship corresponds with the discrepancy between the chemistry of the pertinent parties and external influences which dilute this inchoate attraction: time, books, love etc. Perhaps the best stage to fall out or realise that y’all are incompatible is in this somewhat early stage. The premature demise of fledgling relationships dont usually hurt as much.
3. cathexis
Ah. When u invest emotional energy in someone. The apposite and penultimate period. (not stage, assuming love is not a stage in the journey: it is the destination, but represents a period, as it continues after the stages enumerated here i.e. love is a period but not a stage of the journey) Here, breaking off would really hurt. I always say “love hurts” but perhaps, if I wanted to get a tad more technical, “cathexis hurts” would also be accurate.
4. love
ENJOY!
Crises (along the way)
There would often be squabbles and stuff. These things are inherent and identifiable in nearly every relationship. Some reckon that a major crisis is the antepenultimate period (before cathexis), but I reckon this varies too much with each relationship and hence cannot explicitly place it somewhere. Minor squabbles (plus the passage of time) usually strengthen rather than weaken friendships, so I do try to take em in ma stride.
Bifurcation
Some reckon that the destinations are divergent and hence the cathexis stage is different, however similar the rest of the respective journeys must have been. I beg to differ. Love and friendship are essentially the same destination; how could quintessential friendship exist without love? friendships (esp with the opposite sex) could often be as trying as romantic love.
And since ive just finished Tomkins’ ridiculous book, I shall end ala Tomkins. This list is very generic and represents my opinion, is not prescriptive and is not etched in stone. Tomkins would go on to explain why I (he) made each asseveration and end up with an explanation that’s longer than the text, so I wouldn’t attempt that.
and yes people, I know nearly all of you would disagree with me. In fact I disagree with myself many a time. I tergiversate ever too often, this is just what I think RIGHT NOW. 11.05a.m. that’s all. and please, im not one for intellectual conversations usually. i am an ahbeng. so if you have some thoughts, leave a comment, and i shall reply when i feel like it. if not, all the better hee.
Ok. Time for food!
1. meeting each other
Of course rite. You guyz cant get close if you don’t first MEET. Perhaps I am antediluvian n overly conservative, but I think the 2 worst places to start a relationship is
(a) online *ahem blurry*
(b) in a club
But yes, the banal idiom about the great journey and the first step holds true: meeting is the first and easiest, but necessary, step of your journey.
2. getting to know each other
Some people can click, and some just cant. I remember writing something lyk this in my letter to joyce which never reached her (haha): the intimacy of a friendship corresponds with the discrepancy between the chemistry of the pertinent parties and external influences which dilute this inchoate attraction: time, books, love etc. Perhaps the best stage to fall out or realise that y’all are incompatible is in this somewhat early stage. The premature demise of fledgling relationships dont usually hurt as much.
3. cathexis
Ah. When u invest emotional energy in someone. The apposite and penultimate period. (not stage, assuming love is not a stage in the journey: it is the destination, but represents a period, as it continues after the stages enumerated here i.e. love is a period but not a stage of the journey) Here, breaking off would really hurt. I always say “love hurts” but perhaps, if I wanted to get a tad more technical, “cathexis hurts” would also be accurate.
4. love
ENJOY!
Crises (along the way)
There would often be squabbles and stuff. These things are inherent and identifiable in nearly every relationship. Some reckon that a major crisis is the antepenultimate period (before cathexis), but I reckon this varies too much with each relationship and hence cannot explicitly place it somewhere. Minor squabbles (plus the passage of time) usually strengthen rather than weaken friendships, so I do try to take em in ma stride.
Bifurcation
Some reckon that the destinations are divergent and hence the cathexis stage is different, however similar the rest of the respective journeys must have been. I beg to differ. Love and friendship are essentially the same destination; how could quintessential friendship exist without love? friendships (esp with the opposite sex) could often be as trying as romantic love.
And since ive just finished Tomkins’ ridiculous book, I shall end ala Tomkins. This list is very generic and represents my opinion, is not prescriptive and is not etched in stone. Tomkins would go on to explain why I (he) made each asseveration and end up with an explanation that’s longer than the text, so I wouldn’t attempt that.
and yes people, I know nearly all of you would disagree with me. In fact I disagree with myself many a time. I tergiversate ever too often, this is just what I think RIGHT NOW. 11.05a.m. that’s all. and please, im not one for intellectual conversations usually. i am an ahbeng. so if you have some thoughts, leave a comment, and i shall reply when i feel like it. if not, all the better hee.
Ok. Time for food!
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